Calling The Dumb Squad…

January 8th, 2008 | Posted in General | 2 Comments »

I was going to fudge my way through a quick post tonight in order to allow myself to concentrate on other things. It turns out that I actually have something half-way interesting to blog about and if I still feel like using my fudge-post after I’m finished writing this then I’ll still be able to use it some other time.

Today was a pretty mostly a typical day at work. That normally involves come in, do something, and go home; almost always in that order. Today, there was an interesting step between the doing something bit and that one that I really like at the end. Today, there was a bomb threat.

Bomb threats are often just pranks. Idiotic, childish, and highly illegal, everyone loves them. As long as you aren’t in any way involved in a bomb-threat, then it’s nice to get the chance to kick back while the authorities sort it all out. If you are involved with the bomb threat then you’re an idiot. If you made the call from WITHIN the building (a building where they can track extension numbers) then you’re probably going to be an idiot in prison.

This all went down right before the end of the shift. I was heading to the restroom when I heard the announcement that all supervisors were to report to HR. I laughed and joked out-loud to various co-workers about Ingersoll Rand firing all of them and replacing them all. (Probably with lizards.)

By the time I was headed out of the restrooms they were calling for a full evacuation of the building. Since my evacuation point was in the opposite direction from my leather trench coat and lunch-bag (which contained my keys) I had to leave my things inside. I proceeded to head out into the back lot while checking the Tornado Watch situation on my phone.

When I finally get outside I met up with a large group. People were getting grouped by departments and head counts were being taken. While I’m looking up at the sky full of moving dark clouds I start to visualize a funnel poking down out of the sky and sucking up all of my co-workers. Like tiny dolls they flap their arms and legs about as they’re carried away by the wind as though they were each weightless. Their bodies are then randomly dropped in the most inconvenient of places all throughout Tennessee and Kentucky. (Yay for picket fences!)

After several hours of confusion and worries that many of us would be lingering around till long after shift change, an announcement was made. We were all to gather at the other building. So a trek around and up a hill later we all stood in a different parking lot, looking down at the other building waiting to hear fo sure what the hell was going on.

Speculations of a gas leak or bomb threat circulated the crowd until finally someone supposedly knew for a fact that it was in fact a bomb-threat. This happened about 30 minutes after the last personal who actually gave a shit still did. The shift had ended, it was starting to drizzle, and literally about half of us (day shift) wanted to go home.

They started to let people leave finally, but only if leaving meant they didn’t have to return to the building for anything. In my case that meant I was a no go because I really wasn’t going to be able to go anywhere without my keys, and I certainly wasn’t leaving my leather trench coat. Fortunately I didn’t have to wait much longer before they let the rest of us go back.

I got my things and got the hell out. If there was actually a bomb in the building I’d prefer it explode sometime after I was gone. Though I couldn’t help but ask myself what kind of an asshole someone would have to be in order to call in a bomb threat right before the end of a shift. Everyone knows you’re supposed to do that a little before noon. Let the rest of us enjoy a long lunch while you are finding your way into the custody of an FBI agent.

So, uhm, yeah. Now that’s a fucking blog entry, damnit!